Paulina: What's your favorite stroke?
Mom: Michelle's going to drive you to swim practice.
Philip: I'm too young to die.
Philip: Klaudia, truth or dare?
Philip: No, dare.
Philip, do you read books?
I read movies.
Mom: You don't have to have big boobs.
Philip: Oh yes you do!
Philip: Goodnight, dead body.
I hate my daddy because he speaks Polish and he farts and poops.– Shit Philip Says
Two words: jump off a cliff and die.– Shit Philip Says
Klaudia: I'm not a model.
Philip: Oh yes you are!
Caroline: Sassiest six-year-old ever.
Philip: I'm sassy.
Philip: I'm sassy.
Philip: I'm a BITCH.
SON OF A BITCH!– Shit Philip Says
Dad, turn the car to zero degrees, I have chocolate in my backpack.– Shit Philip Says
Dad, can you do me a favor? Put dynamite in your pants and jump off a cliff.– Shit Philip Says
What’s up, freaky bro?– Shit Philip Says
Philip: Help me log onto Ebay.
Klaudia: Ok, what's your password?
Caroline: Get out of my kitchen!
Philip: YOU CRAZY WOMAN. THIS IS WHY I DON'T NEED A WIFE.
Me: Philip, now that you have a blog you have to be funny.
Philip: Why did the chicken cross the road?
I’m sexy and I hate it.– Shit Philip Says
Philip is Playing a Game
Mom: Go to sleep.
Philip: Just let me kill this guy.
Philip: Do you speak Polish?
Grace and Alyssa: No.
Philip: Well, good luck with that.
Deciding Where to Eat Dinner
Caroline: 3 out of 5, we're going to Olive Garden.
Me: Philip, don't you want to go to Outback?
Mom: Do you even know what's at Outback?
I’m the funniest person in the family.– Shit Philip Says
Philip is in the Bathroom
Me: Philip, Mom's not home. What do you want?
Philip: I need mom.
Me: She's not here.
Me: SHE'S NOT HOME.
Philip: WIPE MY BUT!!!!
Living on a Prayer is Playing in the Car
Radio: "We've got each other and that's a lot for love..."
Philip: We've got each other and that's dumb.
A Conversation About Our Cousin
Me: She's in school to be a pastry chef.
Caroline: Doesn't she work at Culver's? What's her boyfriend doing?
Philip: Dating her, duh!!!
Icicles…..perfect to stab somebody.– Shit Philip Says